Yesterday I injured my back while trying to perfect my ROBT. I think this is my worst injury yet as it's near the lower back area.. Now I'm only on medication. If the pain is going to be worst, I'm going for a X-ray check.

Well I just don't know why but I will only blog when I'm feeling down. Most of the time that is. I know some will say that I'm emo & all but then I choose to blog out my emotion whenever I can't turn to anyone when I'm down or even feel like typing something out. So that's why you hardly see happy stuffs here.

Well my day was okay, I managed to concentrate throughout my Database class today sampai I didn't replied people on msn..hehe..[I'm confident today I'll get another 'A' because I deserve it =)]
After class, I went for dance & well OMG it was damn fun, & tiring, lahh...hehehe...Its been so long since I had fun dancing like that...heeee..=D

Well today someone said something that bother me this night, "Aiyah. Who would wanna be with you seh??!!"(it some how phrased like that because I can't fully remember it) When I heard that, it really struck me straight to my heart because as she was saying that, the people that were around me are all girls. It really hurts to be reminded that that was a fact. All my life I had this problem about acceptance. Even how hard I try I just seem to fail & I don't know why. Is it me? What's wrong with me?

Reason to Smile


How can one smile such sweet smiles,
When one is so saddened by sorrows for miles,
How can I smile the same smiles,
When life brings me nothing but tears,

I wondered for so long,
What reason you had to smile that long,
To keep smiling though troubles come,
And still remain sweet and silently overcome,

It's such a mystery to me,
Your smiles from heaven with glee,
I adore and yet envy thee,
But I'd rather you smile those at me,

I feel happy when I see you smile,
Even if I'm sad and lonely,
Your smiles bring me somewhere,
I don't even know where,

But it was you,
You gave me the reason to smile,
To smile with no reason,
To smile for a smile,

I guess life is just like that,
We need not a reason to smile,
For a smile is the reason itself,
To rejoice and open-heartedly give thanks,

I learned to smile because of you,
Because your smiles bring me joy when blue,
It proves how well and powerful,
A simple sweet smile can become so beautiful,

Smile for the sake of a smile,
Smile for the sake of happiness,
Smile for the sake of life,
Smile because of hope left in life,

Smile my friends,
Smile for me my Love,
Smile those same sweet smiles,
Smile so the world can be a peaceful dove...

-Lendl Ian Servillon

a very well written poem...i like it alot.. =)
fyi: (i can never ever write such a thing like this..haha)

I have been finding for answers from loads of people which keep giving me the same ones which never really answers my questions.

- Be happy for you?
Okay lahh I'm happy for you & all since finally after so long you took my advice which was the same one I told you few months back.

- Should I stay?
Since most people keep telling me to think of myself, then staying is not an option for me then. It's like whats the point of staying when nothing benefits me because all I get back is stress & more of it. They get what they want but what about me.

- Getting over you
Nothing really has helped for it so it's hard to get over you since i like see you when I'm dancing. You have no idea how much I miss you n still even how much hatred about you I still want to love & care for you. But what to do kann, my life is so unfortunate that you finally realize when you found another person than me.

- What about me?
I think too much for others where I get stressed up and all because I used to believe in karma but its like I do good deeds but nothing good seems to happen much in my life. So I'm going to take the other route, to do everything for myself.

- Friends?
I've always wonder what the definition of friends really is. I thought friends are supposed to be a supportive person but nowadays I notice they just give up on me when I'm down. I know I like that when I'm sad but still I though as friends you should be there for them at all times. If you are really my friend why do you always come & go. Then people say " You should approach them".. Hey you know how stupid it feels to just follow people around, trying to bond with them with stupid jokes & still get not acknowledged by them.

- So is it my fault or people?
Mostly of you just come to a conclusion that the problem is me this that blah3. That's my personality when I'm sad. Imagine telling a sad person that its their fault, where its like not even helping to make that person happier. I know my own flaw but this is whats makes me, me. I'm am realistic to the point of going to depression when my life is going through a tough time. This is the realistic part of me that makes me smart in class & you expect me to change it. I know loads of things like how to make people happy n stuff but not myself happy.

- People who don't believe me
Hey you are the people who told me to stand up for myself so I'm doing it then whats the point of you getting pissed of about my opinions. If you want to talk bad about me, then that's your problem. After you're done bitching, look yourself in the mirror & look what kind of person you really are. So why does everything in life contradict each other. The psychology of people is such a hard thing to understand.

- Naruto Manga - "Pain"
After reading that chapter and understood what Pain was talking about, I realized that it actually really applies in our own world. "The world is an accursed place. There will be never such a thing as peace until people understood one another." Even in a small organization or group there never would have peace when no one understands each other. And this is the problem with you people. I tried so hard to make the bond in the group stronger & well I failed because all you all do is think for yourselves as individuals only. Where I on the other hand, tried so hard & ended up a freaking shadow where I'm never acknowledge for who I am in that group.
[ there will never be peace in the IG believe me ]


There are more things running through my head right now but I'm too tried to type anymore. HAHAHAAHH!!

Dear world,

Why do you have to be so cruel to my life?